Saturday, September 10, 2011

scattered saturday morning thoughts

wow. it's september already. and it's almost half over!
we're slithering toward my favorite holiday...
and favorite time of year.
shorter days. cooler temp's. bare trees against a blue sky.
 green leaves turning to shades of fire...
crunching under foot.
time to reflect. to think about those that have passed on. honoring them.
their spirits. souls. everything is connected.
the dying off...preparing for the life of growth. birth.

People are like stained glass windows, 
they sparkle and shine when the sun is out,
but when darkness sets in, 
their true beauty is only seen if there is a light within.
~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

the beginning of this month was the 3rd year anniv since my brother Andy passed away.
we were close. both adopted. never feeling like we 'fit in'.
never feeling loved.
he was two yrs younger.  he was my life line.
i could tell him anything!  no worries about being judged...
being called stupid...or feeling guilty or ashamed.
i could tell him everything. and i did.

i'm from NY.  was raised there. 
in my early 20's, wanting to get as far away from home as i could,
i headed california. lived there for about 15 years. 
but once a New Yorker...always a NYer.  it's in my heart and soul.
Andy never left. he stayed in the city...until he lost his job...
and eventually...everything.
he came to florida with only the clothes on his back and his 2 cats (lucy & ethel!).
andy died seven months later...of a rare & aggressive gastric cancer.
and so...september's a tough month. not only Andy's death...
but the death of hundreds...of innocents. thousands of lives thrown into turmoil.
devastation. a horrendous and unimaginable experience.
just thinking about how i felt that morning...
makes my hairs stand straight eyes tear up.

driving to my first massage appointment of the day...listening to the radio...
when suddenly 'Breaking News' cuts the song short.
 what was thought to be an accident...
turned into the most frightening day anyone could have ever imagined.

i tried calling my brother. over and over. but the lines were jammed.
i remember pulling over to the side of the road. in shock. crying.
and then after pulling myself together, continued on to my client's house.
he didn't have any idea. he hadn't turned on the tv or radio.
so he did then...and we watched in the streets of NY
looked like a city at war. and it was. under attack.
people screaming. running for their lives. blood. smoke. fear.
crumbling buildings. people jumping to their death. confusion. panic.
and people helping each other.
police...firefighters...medical workers...dedicating themselves to save...
and bring calm to all the frightened new yorkers. 
people who were on their way to work...
on their way home after working all night...taking their kids to school or to day care...
just doing what they do every day...
unsuspecting as to how their lives would forever be just a few minutes.

we ALL know what we were doing on sept. 11th, 2001 at 8:46 am.
chances are...either you, or someone you know...
was faced with personal tragedy that the Pentagon...or in PA.
people came together...helping each other...
like it should be ALL the time, not just brought about by tragedy.
it might be time for me to pick up & move on...but i don't have to forget.
so...i've been hiding. subdued. a little gloomy. a little keeping to myself.
but i'm peeking out...and tomorrow morn i plan to start doing 'catch up' on blog reading.
it's not like i haven't been doing ANYTHING! i just hadn't felt like 'talking'.

i've been working...and still making lots of changes to my online shop.
in fact...i've been pretty creative while hiding in my cave!
i also decided to open an 'etsy' shop again...but ONLY for my BONE art!
nothing is there yet...only the banner i made.

have a safe journey.  enjoy the ride.
I went to the woods because i wished to live deliberately,
to front only the essential facts of life,
and see if I could not learn what it had to teach,
and not, when i came to die, discover that I had not lived.
~Henry David Thoreau


  1. Hi Laura...thanks for sharing your thoughts and memories with us..I hope you will be doing better in the days to come!!


  2. I was just wondering yesterday if you'd gone on vacation or if blogger was acting up. Sometimes it seems I miss new posts! But this lovely chap directing people in is so cool! This up coming holiday (some would argue that it's a holiday) has always been one of my favorites too! Your photos are beyond priceless today! Haunting on the 9 11 but stunning, and your quotes sure read true! Have a great weekend ahead! Stay happy!

  3. Welcome back Laura,
    I had just finished my Remembrance for 9/11, scheduling it to Publish at 4am because when I added 11.09.2011 and 4... I reached 19... and with 19 representing The Sun's Energy of new life... well I felt that was a nice energy to Remember with...
    I reach my dashboard... and your Post is there... your intro photo holds much to think about...
    and as I continued reading... I felt special feelings flow... we have both been thinking, preparing, remembering...

    It seems 19 has become a connective number for me where you are concerned... a special and beautiful discovery.

    Being curious I looked at your Post date... with no time given your date of 10.09.2011 adds to 14... the significant numeral for me.

    There is much good energy present for Remembrance... with infinity in numbers, the blessings of Autumn and Spring and the magic of what is now called Halloween

    Love you Special Friend,
    Your Remembrance words... thank you...
    Hugs from Magda in Australia

  4. What a sad story. I feel for you.

  5. thank you for sharing your brother's story with us. i am so sorry for your loss. the grief never goes away, but at least the waves seem to come less frequently. and yes, coming from NY, i can only imagine how much more 9/11 impacts you...

  6. Laura, that was the most moving tribute your brother, and to 9-11. We all know our feelings, some of us can't put them into words. I remember where I was and what I was doing-and, like most, at first I thought 9-11 was an accident. It's hard to even look at the pictures.

    * It's good that you and your brother were so close, and he came to you in the end. Love your photos and comments with them relating to the best season of the year-YAY!!! Have a calming and 'not-too-thoughtful' weekend.

  7. I'm with you in spirit, Laura - terrible day & we dare not forget, although move on we must.

    So glad you & your brother had each other, for however short a time - also glad he had you to come to at the end. Love does overcome all...

    Peace to you this weekend, and into the future, my friend. Many hearts are with you.

  8. Sorry to hear that this is a doubly painful time for you. :(
    This too shall pass, I guess. Love your quotes. :)

  9. very touching post - thanks for sharing your September story. It is a month of many and various sorrows, of life being gathered in to rest. I loved the Kubler-Ross quote.

  10. i lives miles n miles away from u but i too remember that early morning before getting ready for school me n my whole family watching the whole story of 9/11...hey cud u tell wat is the transparent layer u apply on those insects or flowers u stick on glasses..

  11. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I can relate, having lost my sister--my closest friend--and then my mom to cancer. Certainly, we all suffered a huge loss on 9/11. We hold all those lost and those who lost friends and loved ones in our hearts.

    Glad to hear that you are okay. Been wondering.


  12. I pray that your mind is filled with warm memories.
    I also hope that fall brightens your existence. Thank you for sharing your stories with us. So heart-warming! God bless your brothers soul! God bless you too always!

    PS it's always good to take a break but it's very good to have you back!


  13. I'm sorry that this is such a tough month for you. Your brother sounds like he was a wonderful brother and very much missed. Sometimes you do need to just take time to yourself and that is okay.

    On a different note, you always come up with the greatest quotes to share in your blog. :)

  14. Wonderful, moving entry. I'll think of you these September days. . .

  15. thanks all...maybe some day...peace...everywhere...

    pranky, you asked what i put on the flowers?? 'mod-podge' - a couple of coats, and then after it's dry...i spray clear acrylic coating! :)

  16. Dear Laura! I am, as you know, late in getting to read this post. I am so sorry to hear what a very hard month this is for you. I can completely understand your need to withdraw a while, to reflect in solitude and to banish the chatter from all around you. I hope that you are feeling more composed after your necessary time-out. Were you and Andy adopted as genetic brother and sister, or were you adopted separately? It's so wonderful that you shared such a deep and abiding connection but that, of course, makes his absence so much more painful, so much harder to bear and to move on from. I can feel how much you miss his presence in your life.

    It's incredibly sad to hear how his life ended. It's wonderful that you keep his memory alive and carry him so close to your heart!

    Big hug,
    Des xoxo

  17. I am sorry about the loss of your brother, it must be hard losing him. I try to remember the good times when I think of the loved ones I have lost. It helps. I can not believe this is the middle of September, time goes by SO fast. Great post and photos. Take Care and have a good day! Thanks for visiting my blog and commenting.

  18. eileeninmind and desiree...for stopping by, and leaving notes!

    if you stop back answer your brother and i were adopted from different birth mothers...

    anyway...thanks again!! it's good to write...good therapy...and believe me...YOU all help me so much ...through the tougher than usual times.


thanks for stopping by! it's always nice to hear from fellow wanderers!