scattered saturday morning thoughts

wow. it's september already. and it's almost half over!

we're slithering toward my favorite holiday...

and favorite time of year.

halloween...fall...autumn...winter.

shorter days. cooler temp's. bare trees against a blue sky.

 green leaves turning to shades of fire...

crunching under foot.

time to reflect. to think about those that have passed on. honoring them.

their spirits. souls. everything is connected.
the dying off...preparing for the life of spring...new growth. birth.

People are like stained glass windows, 

they sparkle and shine when the sun is out,
but when darkness sets in, 
their true beauty is only seen if there is a light within.
~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

the beginning of this month was the 3rd year anniv since my brother Andy passed away.

we were close. both adopted. never feeling like we 'fit in'.
never feeling loved.

he was two yrs younger.  he was my life line.

i could tell him anything!  no worries about being judged...

being called stupid...or feeling guilty or ashamed.
i could tell him everything. and i did.

i'm from NY.  was raised there. 

in my early 20's, wanting to get as far away from home as i could,
i headed west...to california. lived there for about 15 years. 

but once a New Yorker...always a NYer.  it's in my heart and soul.

Andy never left. he stayed in the city...until he lost his job...
and eventually...everything.
he came to florida with only the clothes on his back and his 2 cats (lucy & ethel!).

andy died seven months later...of a rare & aggressive gastric cancer.

and so...september's a tough month. not only Andy's death...

but the death of hundreds...of innocents. thousands of lives thrown into turmoil.

devastation. a horrendous and unimaginable experience.

just thinking about how i felt that morning...
makes my hairs stand straight up...my eyes tear up.

driving to my first massage appointment of the day...listening to the radio...

when suddenly 'Breaking News' cuts the song short.

 what was thought to be an accident...

turned into the most frightening day anyone could have ever imagined.

i tried calling my brother. over and over. but the lines were jammed.

i remember pulling over to the side of the road. in shock. crying.

and then after pulling myself together, continued on to my client's house.

he didn't have any idea. he hadn't turned on the tv or radio.

so he did then...and we watched in horror...as the streets of NY

looked like a city at war. and it was. under attack.

people screaming. running for their lives. blood. smoke. fear.

crumbling buildings. people jumping to their death. confusion. panic.
and people helping each other.

police...firefighters...medical workers...dedicating themselves to save...
and bring calm to all the frightened new yorkers. 
people who were on their way to work...

on their way home after working all night...taking their kids to school or to day care...
just doing what they do every day...

unsuspecting as to how their lives would forever be changed...in just a few minutes.

we ALL know what we were doing on sept. 11th, 2001 at 8:46 am.

chances are...either you, or someone you know...

was faced with personal tragedy that day...in NY...at the Pentagon...or in PA.

people came together...helping each other...

like it should be ALL the time, not just brought about by tragedy.

it might be time for me to pick up & move on...but i don't have to forget.
~~~
so...i've been hiding. subdued. a little gloomy. a little keeping to myself.
but i'm peeking out...and tomorrow morn i plan to start doing 'catch up' on blog reading.
it's not like i haven't been doing ANYTHING! i just hadn't felt like 'talking'.

i've been working...and still making lots of changes to my online shop.
in fact...i've been pretty creative while hiding in my cave!
i also decided to open an 'etsy' shop again...but ONLY for my BONE art!
nothing is there yet...only the banner i made.

have a safe journey.  enjoy the ride.
laura

I went to the woods because i wished to live deliberately,

to front only the essential facts of life,

and see if I could not learn what it had to teach,

and not, when i came to die, discover that I had not lived.

~Henry David Thoreau

i'm hanging...

...in there.

(hibiscus after the rain)

yeah, i'm still here.

i've just been a little stressed lately...a little down.

drained.

but you didn't stop by to hear all about that...did you?

what?

'i don't mind', you say...'that's what i'm here for...

go ahead...TALK...it'll make ya' feel better!'

ok. you asked for it.

(gladiola)

remember my client...the one who was in an abusive relationship...

had i mentioned that he has cancer? he's been a client of mine for 7 years...

and i've been seeing him twice a month for all that time.

i care about him alot. he was in the hospital for a week. his cancer has metasticized.

i took him back to his ap't from the hospital...

and the next day he was taken to a Hospice Care Center.

he's there now. he has no family here.

i've been running myself ragged trying to do all i can for him.

besides feeling sad for all he has gone through...

it also brings back all the emotional stuff i carry...

over the loss of my mom, dad, sister and brother...

who each one (except mother) lost their battle to cancer.

(passion flower)

a couple of months ago i had picked up some new clients.

they live in group homes...and are all diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy.

the company that owns the group homes i go to, owns six group homes.

in one of them (not one of the homes i go to), they suffered a horrific abuse incident.

following that...the state revoked their license and they had to close all their group homes.

my clients had to find new homes. their lives were sent into turmoil.

i don't even know where some of them have moved to.

(shrimp plant)

some months back...while eating dinner...i bit my lower lip.

OUCH!

actually, it was more than just a bite. i gouged the (shit) out of it.

and each time it started to heal...i bit it again. and again. and so on.

it became a never ending cycle. 

i've tried herbs, vitamin e...

but nothing will help to get rid of this now permanent scar tissue on my lip!

between my tongue and teeth...i just can't leave it alone!

so...i fought my fear of doctors...and finally sat down with the phone book...

and made some calls. Dentists. Oral Surgeons. i was told i need to see a

Plastic Surgeon since the lip is a very sensitive part of the body.

last friday i had a consult with one. he looked at it...said he could take care of it...

and then proceeded to tell me that after he removed it, it would  be sent off for a biopsy.

a biopsy?

but it all began by biting my lip!

then the Dr starts telling me...if the results come back showing anything i should be

concerned about...he'll refer me to another Dr.

so here i go again. worry...and no insurance...

thinking of my brother & sister...even though my brother & i were adopted...

maybe it was something in the water?? 

i'm good at driving myself crazy. thinking too much.

so, this coming friday, i'm scheduled for in office surgery.

(oak leaf hydrangea)

two days before my consult with the Plastic Surgeon...

as i'm driving down the road...munching on some trail mix...

i bit down on something HARD! like a stone! then i felt TWO hard things in my mouth.

i separated them with my tongue...spit them out...one was like a little rock...

the other was part of one of my TEETH!!!

damn! 

when it rains...it pours.

have i mentioned that i have an abnormal FEAR of Dentists?

it all stems from when my mother wouldn't let the Dentist 

use novocaine on us kids. YEP!  he drilled our teeth with NO numbing agent.

he would tell us to raise our hand when it started to hurt...and he'd stop.

but  he didn't.

have you ever seen that movie...with Dustin Hoffman..."Marathon Man"?

where he's tortured by getting his teeth drilled?   

"Is it safe?"

when i go to the dentist...i go in a state of FEAR.

fright...flight...

i sit there shaking...and crying.

one thing at a time.

first my lip...

then find a dentist that will knock me out to do whatever he has to do!

(rain lilies)

ONE funny thing...

while looking up Dr's in the phone book...

i came across this advertisement:

i sure hope the Dentist herself...didn't send in the Ad!

unless of course...she's saying that she does General Dentistry

EXCEPT for New Patients of All Ages. 

so what kind of dentistry does she do for new patients?

never mind. i don't wanna know.

i'm pretty sure she's ACCEPTING new patients!

not me though. 

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.  

~Jennifer Yane

ok. so now you know what's been going on with me. 

i haven't been getting on the computer much.

been staying away from FB.

not been doing any reading of blogs.  and only checking emails every so often.

my motivation has been pretty much...zilch!

(leaves of the Buckeye plant)

For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.  

~Lily Tomlin

last weekend sam and i took off for a spur of the moment get-away.

we went camping at O'Leno State Pk...not a far drive from here.

it was nice. 

i...sort of...pushed into the recesses of my mind...all that's been bothering me. 

between the hiking...ticks...deer...rabbits...ticks...alligators...turtles...

and the plucking off of more ticks...

i temporarily set aside my worries.

until i bit my lip while eating.  :\

oh well...maybe after i get this damn scar tissue removed on friday...

i'll be on the road to recovery...and start catching up on all my reading here...

working on getting new clients...find a gentle dentist...

and pace myself when it comes to my client/friend in Hospice.

here's a preview of O'Leno State Pk.

(milo had a stress-free weekend)

more to come next time...

so...i'll be back. shortly. and catch up with everyone and everything.

in the meantime. stay cool.

have a safe journey & enjoy the ride.

:]  laura

Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, 

of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, 

and not bothering.  

~Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A.A. Milne

...i'm trying...i'm hanging in there...

some of my favorite quotes- life, art, nature

quotes. i love 'em! i'm always on the lookout for new ones...ones that say how i'm feeling. 

so, if you're like me...and use quotes to add a little oomph...emphasis...to what you're saying...

i think you'll enjoy reading this collection of my favorites!

"Every survival kit should include a sense of humor."  ~Author Unknown  

"Souls don’t have races, sexes or religions. They are beyond artificial divisions".  ~Brian Weiss  

A friend is someone who gives you 

total freedom to be yourself."  ~

Jim Morrison   

"Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking 

at life through the wrong end of a telescope."  ~Dr Suess

 i've had more deaths in my family than anyone needs to endure. when i had to prepare a handout to people coming to the 'service'...i used quotes to convey my thoughts. 

"Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones 

shine down to let us know they are happy."  ~Eskimo Legend

"To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die."  ~Thomas Campbell

i'm constantly switching from one quote to another...in my email signature.

"After dark all cats are leopards."  ~Author Unknown

"Not all who wander are lost."  ~JRR Tolkien

"Wag More, Bark Less - Whine Less, Breathe More."  ~Swedish Proverb

 i use quotes when creating business flyers...(i'm a massage therapist)

"We think work with the brain is more worthy than work with the hands. Nobody who thinks with his hands could ever fall for this."  ~E.F. Schumacher

"Massage is the study of anatomy in Braille."  ~Author Unknown

"The mind cannot forget what the hands have learned."  ~Author Unknown

i like nature quotes!

"Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better."  ~Albert Einstein

"The human spirit needs places where nature has not been rearranged by the hand of man."  ~Author Unknown

"Nature is my medicine."  ~Sara Moss-Wolfe

flower quotes!

"Every flower is a soul blossoming in nature"  ~Author Unknown   

"Flowers always make people better, happier and more helpful; 

they are sunshine, food and medicine to the soul."  ~Luther Burbank

silly einstein!

quotes that make you think...twice...(huh?)

"There could be whole antiworlds and antipeople made out of antiparticles. 

However, if you ever meet your antiself, don't shake hands!  

You would both vanish in a great flash of light."   ~Stephen Hawking

life...

"We all come from the same root, but the leaves are all different." ~John Fire Lame Deer, Lakota

"Life is a continual process of remaking ourselves."  ~Author Unknown 

"When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on." 

~Franklin D. Roosevelt 
  

Be 

 who you are and say what you feel, because those who matter don't mind, 

and those that mind, don't matter."  ~Dr. Seuss   

"All human beings are also dream beings. Dreaming ties all mankind together."  ~Jack Kerouac

quotes for lifting your spirit...

"Some days there won't be a song in your heart.  Sing anyway."  ~Emory Austin

"Once you choose hope, anything's possible."  ~Christopher Reeve

"You wake up in the morning, and your purse is magically filled with twenty-four hours of unmanufactured tissue of the universe of your life! It is yours. It is the most precious of possessions. No one can take it from you. And no one receives either more or less than you receive."  ~Dr. Thomas Arnold Bennett

quotes about ART...creativity...imagination!

"Imagination is the eye of the soul."  ~Joseph Joubert

"What art offers is space - a certain breathing room for the spirit."  ~John Updike 

"Creativity is a drug I cannot live without".   ~Cecil B. DeMille

"You cannot depend on your eyes when 

your imagination is out of focus"  ~

Mark Twain   

"Art is the only way to run away without leaving home."  ~Twyla Tharp 

  and FUN quotes! silly quotes! the lighter side of life...quotes that make you laugh...smile...

these are just a few of my favorites!

"In my world, everyone's a pony and they all eat rainbows and poop butterflies!"  ~Dr. Seuss

"As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes".  ~Mel Brooks

"Where's your will to be weird?"  ~Jim Morrison 

"Sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."  ~Lewis Carroll

"I was young and foolish then; now I am old and foolisher."  ~Mark Twain

so, remember..."life’s a garden. dig it" (author unknown).  and don't let anybody tell you that you're just wasting time..."time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted"  (john lennon).   

i think michael jordan sums it all up pretty good when he said 

"Just play. Have fun. Enjoy the game."

stay cool.

pax  pace  amani  peace  shalom  eace-pay  vrede  paz  paix

(AND don't forget to check out my QUOTE PAGE at the top!)